My vision of US was colored to a large extent by what they showed in 'Star Movies' and 'HBO'. I knew it won't be as exciting as 'Baywatch' or 'Santa Barbara' but even a fraction of it was worth the time and effort I spent applying for a grad school here. Every time I got frustrated during my application process or got really stressed out about the GRE or TOEFL scores, I would think about Anjelina Jolie and start with a renewed enthusiasm. And then I ended up in Pittsburgh !

The city is depressing in summer and dead in winter. Instead of Baywatch there is 'Snow-watch' for half the year. Plus being a grad student means, I can't even afford the 'Star Movies' and 'HBO' that originally got me in this mess. It has been three years and my score in the dating scene remains a perfect zero. The only consolation I had till now was that one my closest friends here also shared the same score. It became past tense last august.

The cool dude has a cool girlfriend now. It all started with a theory. We figured out that our best chance of getting out of this ignominous social situation lies in a two week window from august 7th to august 21st every year. This is the time when new admits from India come to the campus. The orientation is usually around 15th. So the idea is to decide on a potential soulmate over facebook or orkut, help her settle down in Pittsburgh, arrange for everything she needs to get adjusted to the new campus and then hope for the best. Timing is critical, because before august 7th she probably wont arrive and after august 21st she probably already has a boyfriend.

This was all good in theory, except I didn't really think it had any practical chance. I was wrong and my friend was happily settled. I cursed myself for a couple of weeks and then the greater agonies of lab work took care of other distractions. All was well till last week when I got a friend request on facebook from a certain Ms. Shruti Ghosh. She was a new admit in CMU and I saw no problem accepting the request. Now that I was her friend, I found myself browsing through her albums within a minute. I could already see ourselves in starbucks amidst a tall coffee latte, a mocha frappacino and the thick biochemistry textbook. Her silly questions, my unnecessarily detailed answers, the occasional smile ..... err...well lets say it was love at first 'virtual' sight.

This was my chance. If I did it right, then I wouldn't have to wait till august 7th next year. It all started with a 'Hello, Hows life' posting on her wall, followed by more 'wall to wall' chit chat. Then I started 'liking' all her status messages while she would comment back on some of mine. Our love blossomed into killing for each other in mafia wars while taking care of our lost farmville sheeps. I loved the harley davidson she sent me two days back. I gifted her a diamond pendant. Life, on facebook, was awesome ! Meanwhile, I had arranged for her accomodation, paid the security deposit, got a new phone connection through 'family plan' and promised to pick her up from the airport when she arrives today evening.

Wore the best shirt, no shave just trimming, expensive cologne, hair deliberately ruffled and the romantic hits CD for the car - Everything was perfect. I was at the airport about 45 minutes before the expected arrival. With nothing else to do, I called up my cousin in New Jersey and talked about weather and jobs and recession - which reminds me of a joke he told me.
Ques - Whats the height of recession ?
Ans - Women marrying for love :)
And then, after about 15 - 20 mins, I saw her. She was everything I thought and a bit more. Sharp eyes, dimpled chin, perfect smile and 45 kg luggage with her. I wish I could convince all parents back in India that US trip is not an amazon safari where you need to stock up supplies. Anyways, I forced the two suitcases in two hands and a smile on my face while she took care of her sidebag as we got to the car. On our way back to her place, she talked for the entire 40 mins. She spoke about her journey, her college, her interests, her future plans , everything, except about what she spoke at the end.

Shruti - I am glad mom told me about you.

(well wait a min. Does her mom know me ?)

Me - Your Mom ? What did she tell you about me ?

Shruti - That you are the nicest kid she knows. You are extremely smart and helpful unlike your childhood when you were so troublesome. (Hihihihi) We have a pic of you when you were two years old. You look so naughty (Hihihihi)

I almost jumped a red light before braking abruptly. This was really not going well. Who the hell is she ? This could be good news or very very bad news !

Me - So you knew me before we met on facebook ?

Shruti - Not really. All I knew was that my mother is a distantly related sis of your mom. Ever since you guys moved to Delhi they never met. When I got selected for CMU, someone told her you were also there. So I searched you (Hihihihi). Cool na !

My mom is her mom's distantly related sis ?? Does that make me her very very distantly related bro ? Maybe not a bro at all ! Hopefully not :( For the rest of the journey I mostly kept quiet. Life has a way of hitting you below the belt just when you least expect it. I somehow got her luggage into her apartment and started to leave when she came to see me off till the door

Shruti - I am really happy you were there for me.

(wow, there is hope !)

Before you I knew nobody in Pittsburgh. Now I know two people already. You and Ashu. You should meet him. Really wonderful guy. He is just ...

Me - umm ... Who is Ashu ?

Shruti - I met him on facebook too. He is also a grad student like you but in Univ. of Pittsburgh. You know he has this funny theory. You can get a girl only between august 7th and august 21st in Pittsburgh. So the way this works is ...........(and I stood there listening my own theory narrated back to me. Academia can be very competitive !) ....... I think I really like him. Very funny and intelligent. Maybe we should all meet up sometime (Hihihihi)

I dont know whom to fix the blame for this fiasco - Shruti, Pittsburgh, the stupid august theory or facebook. Whatever it is, I guess I will stay away from all social networking sites for sometime atleast. By the way, does anyone know how can I send cactus to someone in facebook ??

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